He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
