hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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