people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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