On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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