Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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