A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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