in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
