I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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