I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize