ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
