Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize