beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
