I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
