it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
