Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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