sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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