I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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