I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
