i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
