Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
