I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
