Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
