Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
