nut hugger
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
