Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
