Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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