New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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