I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
