there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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