I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
