you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize