a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
