FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
