I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
