I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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