Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
