Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
