i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
