white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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