There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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