Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
