that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
