I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
