Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
