my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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