and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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