I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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