I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Never underestimate the power of titties
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
