:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i think my mom watched the whole time
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
