Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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