My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
