i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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