Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
