WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
