Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
