Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
