So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
