Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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