happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
