worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
