im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
