I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
