At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
