Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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