I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
