I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
