dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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