did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
