I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize