She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
