How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
