Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You ruined the universe
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
