She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
