I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
